I’ve often heard stories from both female and male friends of romantic acts performed for them or their girlfriends (respectively). And nowadays I always think the same thing: “That sounds so exhausting…” I almost get physically tired hearing about it. Then I realize that I’m exhausted.
I’m exhausted by relationships. By love, everything having to do with it.
I think I don’t have the energy or emotional reserve right now (or possibly ever again) to be romantic. Now, keep in mind, I used to be a die hard romantic. I would do things for women that would simply take their breath away.
But it would ultimately come to nothing.
Then there was my marriage. I poured my life, my energy, my very self into that union. Only to ever have more demanded of me. It drained me, utterly. My overtures were met with ridicule. My sacrifices belittled. When it ended, I had almost nothing left in me.
And that may be why I am so exhausted by the idea of romance. I have given so much, and gotten so little back. I think I’m just tired.
And I don’t know when I’ll be rested again.