So, I was reading an article on a website I rarely find myself on about why some women might be reluctant to date single dads.
Honestly it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. The thought is quite intimidating. Shortly after my divorce, in fact, I used to get mini-panic attacks at the very thought. The fact that my ex was still living with me and was with six other guys just in the two months it took our divorce to be final didn’t help much, either. Now I can breathe normal at the thought of dating again, but I find myself reluctant. Sure, single parents date quite often nowadays, but I don’t know if it’s for me. Last time I tried my hand at the dating scene, it was college, I had no children, was full of energy and romantic ideas, and had a lot more disposable income (well, the percent of my income that was disposable was a lot higher, anyways….) Things are vastly different then. For one thing, the dating pool is HUGE. You’re practically swimming in single women at that time in your life. Now, it’s more like a trickle. Most of your options were married before and those that made it through to this stage without having been married usually had a good reason for it (“Why, hello there, Amy Farrah Fowler look-a-like…”) Most attractive women I see around me have nice sparkly things on their left hand.
Then there is the time issue. Last time I was single I had a great deal more freedom and availability. Want to go to dinner at the last minute? Sure, no problems there! Now I have a little one to deal with and it’s wait, let me see if I can find a babysitter. No, nevermind, I just spent that money on diapers; I can’t afford one and my nearest family member is X number of hours away. How’s your next Friday? Doesn’t leave a lot of time together, and I’m someone who likes to spend a lot of time with whoever I’m in a relationship with….
Then there’s the issue of having her be around my son. I refuse to bring a string of would-be mother figures into his life only to have them leave again.
Then there’s the other issue of if I can even accept someone’s love again. It’s just not that I got divorced, it’s that I got divorced after a two-and-a-half year abusive marriage after my wife repeatedly cheated on me and lied about it. After something like that, a person tends to seriously doubt their appeal to the opposite gender, and worry about winding up in the same type of relationship again. Since this was my first relationship ever, too, it makes me wonder if I even could get into a normal relationship again.
Then there’s the fact that I can’t just find a good woman, I have to find a good woman who also would be a good mother, which would probably narrow down my search even more.
Honestly, all in all, at this point I’m seriously reconsidering going back to dating ever in the near future. It’s too much to deal with, and I worry too much about how it will affect my son.