Really good article. If I go back to dating I’m making this a must-read for would-be girlfriends.
So, I was reading an article on a website I rarely find myself on about why some women might be reluctant to date single dads.
Honestly it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. The thought is quite intimidating. Shortly after my divorce, in fact, I used to get mini-panic attacks at the very thought. The fact that my ex was still living with me and was with six other guys just in the two months it took our divorce to be final didn’t help much, either. Now I can breathe normal at the thought of dating again, but I find myself reluctant. Sure, single parents date quite often nowadays, but I don’t know if it’s for me. Last time I tried my hand at the dating scene, it was college, I had no children, was full of energy and romantic ideas, and had a lot more disposable income (well, the percent of my income that was disposable was a lot higher, anyways….) Things are vastly different then. For one thing, the dating pool is HUGE. You’re practically swimming in single women at that time in your life. Now, it’s more like a trickle. Most of your options were married before and those that made it through to this stage without having been married usually had a good reason for it (“Why, hello there, Amy Farrah Fowler look-a-like…”) Most attractive women I see around me have nice sparkly things on their left hand.
Then there is the time issue. Last time I was single I had a great deal more freedom and availability. Want to go to dinner at the last minute? Sure, no problems there! Now I have a little one to deal with and it’s wait, let me see if I can find a babysitter. No, nevermind, I just spent that money on diapers; I can’t afford one and my nearest family member is X number of hours away. How’s your next Friday? Doesn’t leave a lot of time together, and I’m someone who likes to spend a lot of time with whoever I’m in a relationship with….
Then there’s the issue of having her be around my son. I refuse to bring a string of would-be mother figures into his life only to have them leave again.
Then there’s the other issue of if I can even accept someone’s love again. It’s just not that I got divorced, it’s that I got divorced after a two-and-a-half year abusive marriage after my wife repeatedly cheated on me and lied about it. After something like that, a person tends to seriously doubt their appeal to the opposite gender, and worry about winding up in the same type of relationship again. Since this was my first relationship ever, too, it makes me wonder if I even could get into a normal relationship again.
Then there’s the fact that I can’t just find a good woman, I have to find a good woman who also would be a good mother, which would probably narrow down my search even more.
Honestly, all in all, at this point I’m seriously reconsidering going back to dating ever in the near future. It’s too much to deal with, and I worry too much about how it will affect my son.
So I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to think up a general identity or theme to my blog. Thus far it’s been philosophical in nature, but that won’t lend itself to the frequency of posting I would like for it to have, so I need something more. It is called “Letters from Aspergia” for a reason, namely that, as someone with Aspergers, it’s my communique to society about my observations of its own nature.
Since, also, I’m picking up the pieces from my divorce and my life falling apart, I’ve decided to also have this blog be about my journey of recovery from all of that.
I suspect the latter will be more popular than the former. It’s been my observation that society does not appreciate commentary on itself. When I make observations, people tend to take exception to me doing so. Why is confusing to me, since I consider the underlying mechanics to anything to be fascinating, and am not sure why it would be considered offensive. It is my guess that people view this as me oversimplifying them, trying to saying also that they are not really in control of their actions but instead are slave to these unspoken societal rules and trends. I’m uncertain why this would be the case, and consider any lack of understanding or insult the result of intellectual shortsightedness on their part. I’ve noticed this also corresponds with peoples’ dislike for being labeled, which also confuses me. If your behavior and personality correspond to a particular cultural subgroup, then it is that way because of the choice one makes to follow that. And, if you conform to that label, then it applies whether or not you like it and, if you don’t, then it’s your own fault for limiting your behavior and personality so much to the limits of that label.
So I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want in a woman since my first attempt at love and marital bliss came crashing down like the Hindenburg. I’ve decided a woman who likes and can discuss sci-fi at length would embody a lot of the characteristics I’m looking for. We’d have a strong common interest, they’d be a geek/nerd, and dumb people rarely take much interest in sci-fi. At least it’s a starting point.
The depression has stalemated. There are set stages to grief, and I’ve been stuck in depression. I find I want to sleep a lot. I must admit that part took me for a bit of a loop. I’ve struggled with depression a lot in my life, though now as much as now.